Recently I had made a request for suggestions of music I should soak my soul in that can be past or present. Unfortunately I only received one legit response, a valid one at that. Sinatra. He can always rotate my world. Throw in some sun, a drink, and satisfaction of a little of getting things done around the house.
Yet, I still need recommendations for music. I am waiting to twist my thinking and absorb the vibrations of thought and art. There is a driving force in music that can change the world, or at least individuals that in turn react to their worlds differently and create a changing universe. I realize it seems like I am describing a religion… well it is. And I suppose I am questioning my faith in my requests. So implore those reading to offer some wisdom.
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I have rrecently come to questioning the one ability that is a part of my soul. Can I get up on a stage again playing music and singing? It is odd how something I have been trying to regain for the past eight years is always dangled in front of me like the all too famous carrot on a string. Yet if it is to come to fruition (thank you Sting), can it come back and blossom enough to feel the pleasant satisfaction it offers. I realize it would not be as I remember it from the first go around, but I feel with that experience in mind it could be ever more gratifying to my senses.
I guess this stems from my “drummer” (if he gets his shit together) contacting me to make a push in getting a bassist and openign for some friends. The bassist is somewhat hard to swallow since the one we grew together with was an amazingly talented musician and good natured person, but when trouble comes he vanishes completely. Thus, relying on that kind of person is impossible. So all of it sounds good in theory. We head out with the bulk being covers to reduce practice and play a show once a month. At this point, even giving the drummer the benefit of the doubt by saying he comes though and sticks to it. Can I produce anymore after sitting on a shelf for so long?
Well I guess I must try.
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…It is as true then as it is today. Let us Pray.
As “youngish” adult I hear constantly hear the sentiments or even the phrases “they don’t make ‘em like they use to” and “it used to be…” At this point I cringe. Perhaps it is because my job is directly related to the construction industry. Moreover, the employees are generally in their mid 40’s and up. The fact is that the workforce is still flooded with the baby-boomers and the backlash on the younger generations is worrisome to me.
A trying matter is that the economy is in the shitter, and the President’s message is to invest in fields other than the financial structure. Construction being a major one with technology, eduction, and energy-efficiency. What I derive from my small pocket of the world is that the construction industry as well as much of manufacturing is fraught with old-age thinking that scoffs at youth. My positions in the workforce is elevated to some degree, but my true path is to stay in line and ride the wave. Unfortunately every wave will crest and tumble back to a valley. The baby-boomers eventually will need to step aside. The “youth” will have to attain the ranks and lead the way. Obviously right? But how? first of all, I have been demeaned by my age and forced to sit rear-facing in the vehicle of the workforce. Let me state that some markets are not the same, such as the financial market, education, and science. However, these industries are still primarily led by old white man. It is in these markets in which the younger generations have been able to gain footholds.
Overall, the reality of my world is that I am wedged in poor thought and a yearn to business in stagnant out-dated ways. What little headway I have made can be eradicated at any moment, but there again I may just need to explore another mountain. The time for change will occur when a large workforce will finally retire. Be it disaster or prosperity, the time is nearing. The old way will no longer be adequate. I hope that we will not rely on these measures.
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Some days it seems we need a distraction. A diversion of Lilliputians or naked bowling while tripping on acid. Well maybe not so bold. The fact of the matter is the rants and raves of people become so repetitive and rendered meaningless.
We all know someone who constantly finds something to bitch about and is ceaseless through all accommodations. Such insistent complaining loses passion regardless of validation unto the point in which he/she becomes a buzz in the ear that is in desperate need to be swatted away before a sting is to follow. That is the instance in which I realized that the drone bee is nearly driving me mad. I struggle to not complain myself. Are we not all frustrated on this wonderful globe. Yet, the mind steers into this rut of negativity and bounces helplessly within it completely ruining one’s suspension. As we course through life unable to hold ourselves up completely, I think to myself… I have finally been crushed by the real world.
Then I see my baby daughter, my unbelievably good dogs, and smile. My wife will be frazzled from a joyous 7 month old that will not stop exploring this world (sick or not) and I know by the end of the night I will make her laugh. And does she ever need it. What the hell was my point again?
Filed under: Baseball, Family, Introspect, Life, Music, My Kid, Political, What Happened, Work
I was asked how I foresee the year to come… all I could do was reel through my thoughts. How do I answer such a vast inquiry. Does this mean the economy, my take on global events, if the Red Sox will win the World Series (oh they will), the milestones my daughter will reach, the direction of my job, the growth and strength of my newly formed family, my love and adoration of my wife, my physical status, my mental health, my musical appetite, my personal growth, what goals will attain, the likelihood of moving, and I have more to throw at you. The question at hand was posed by my wife, in which I have to think what part of life is she wanting to know my perception. All aspects collide when she inquires. I realized then that I am having trouble compartmentalizing my life.
I hate bringing work home, despise being asked what I did when meeting someone for the first time, and avoid discussing my day in detail once I leave work. Luckily it was lunch and not the end of the day where I can shift into myself. I guess what I mean is, I show up to work for work not to necessarily be an individual. However, it seems that work along with the worries of the world are following me into my personal life. What is becoming scary is that the different aspects are blending or growing together like an obese person growing to their couch because they are unable to move. That’s it, I feel like I am in some way stuck in this position. I guess I need to at least get my pancake turner. Regardless, I am not my job nor do I want to be. So I must refresh my personal life a little because it seems that I am losing pieces of that as more of the burdensome exterior world (yeah the real world) is gathering.
To answer my wife… hope. I look for hope that separation will return and happiness can prevail.
As the holiday season of Hallothanksmasyear comes nearer to the end, not that it ever truly seems to end, I reflect upon the past months. Hmm…there were a few things that happened late this year. The revolution of cosmetics on swine, the action of lending to lender’s via the lendee, and realizing that the Yankees have an economic tap from God are all quaint occurrences. However, it is the dabbling of genetics that proved to be the most important event of my year.
I must say that it seems as if the year was merely a blink of an… hey where did it go. I am curious to see the unfoldings of the year to come with certain bad news of a world crumbling around us, but I will look forward to the amazement of life with my daughter’s exploration through infancy.
Did I mention the fact that the Yankees continue to buy players with an inane salary through a limitless bank roll?
Go Red Sox!
Last night marked the first time I played my guitar with the amp above 1 1/2 in at least 17 weeks. (why not say 4 months?) See the wife took the kid to book club last night so they could exchange Christmas ornaments. Logical I know. As she decided to take my daughter I was instructed to play loud guitar; and my amp thanks her.
As I picked up my guitar and began to hear the rolling feedback I suddenly realized that I had know idea what to play first. I ripped through improvised hard rock riffs and felt nothing. Then I dropped back into loud and gritty Blues chords and belted out inane vocals. Ahhh that felt good. The dog howled with me. From there I went to the gym and ran for 20 minutes wishing the time would fly by faster. I was starting to feel guilty about not spending any time with the dogs. So I rushed home played with them briefly and fixed dinner.
It seemed like a perfect evening, until my wife and daughter came home. I then realized how much I missed my daughter through the day and knowing that 17 weeks were not bad at all. I must admit I love my little chomper. She has two teeth by the way. At only 17 weeks!
Hello me this is me writing, hope things are well. I know you have been involved with parenting, holidays, work, chores around the house, errands, and an innumerable list to finish. I know it’s hard to be, well you. I think I have lost a few hats, but We are starting to get a head count of myself. However, in your absence of yourself there has been no guitar playing, no writing, and very little life-living. So I have taken this time to write to you and wish you well. I thought I would start a list or two that me, you, I, or whoever we are enjoyed as favorites:
10 Great Movies:
- Forrest Gump
- The Man Who Knew Too Little
- Kids
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
- What Dreams May Come
- Gross Pointe Blank
- Monsters Inc.
- The Big Lebowski
- Dogma
- Snatch
10 Great Bands:
- The Beatles
- RATM
- Tool
- Nirvana
- Toadies
- Frank Sinatra
- CleverTruth
- Pearl Jam
- Neil Young
- Led Zeppelin
Death is never the uplifting topic and unfortunately that is what this is ultimately about. To go back, my Grandmother of 91 has been deteriorating in health dramatically in the last couple of years. She has lived with my parents for the past 5 or 6 years, but one little UTI and things have changed immensely. My parents found her collapsed twice last week in a span of 24 hours. The second time she did not have the energy to get up and they both struggled to get her to the bathroom to get her cleaned up. From there they went to the hospital and learned she had a UTI that had weakened her, but as she was laying there for an undetermined amount of time (being that this happened in the wee hours of the night) her muscle fibers in her legs began to break down due to her age and circumstance. All other tests and scans came back with good results; clear chest x-ray, normal heart pattern, no signs of stroke, etc. Yet the result is that she will need rehab to get mobile again and unfortunately my parents, both working full-time cannot be there every second to help. Thus they were faced with difficult decision to have her admitted to a nursing home that offers a rehab facility.
I love my Grandmother and I know she can’t live for ever, and I know she does not want that. Though it has been hard to watch her hearing and eye sight deteriorate futher the past few years, it is truly sad to witness one the sweetest women of all time begin to loose her mind. Yet, there is something else that sweeps through and that is the fact of my parents mortality, my wife’s parents’ mortality, and everyone I love including my own. In a way I feel like I have been keeping distance from this and perhaps unintentionally away from my Grandmother to not face it. Does anyone really want to face this? I know it is inevitable, but I must say I am not sure we should face it before it is time. Some people believe you should come to terms prior so that you are more prepared. Can you really prepare? I almost believe it is like the moment my daughter was born. You think you can know what to expect, but you can’t. Life and death are merely to big for us to fathom. It will be difficult when the time comes to face it, but I feel that is what is supposed to be like.
I am coming to terms with some things that are slowly proving my age or shall we say the upcoming state of complete stubbornness to accept the new. I think we all are aware of the look we give our parents when they rationalize why they will never be able understand how to use computers or figure out how to set the clocks on VCRs, DVD Players, Stereos, etc. Stop, VCRs are an example in themselves for parents that refused to change to DVDs because it would be a fad. Take for example the resistance to recycle from our parental generation, because it didn’t really matter. The Earth has been around all this time has been fine, right? However, it is beginning to be the time to hold up the dreaded mirror at least form me. (I think. I will need feedback to see if I’m crazy.)
I prefer to buy CD’s still. Reasoning is that I want the art work. However, I have not truly analyze the last four or five CD cases I have bought. I have noticed also that the art has been minimized in many instances. Furthermore one can get all of the art when you buy the MP3. And I end up converting the CD format to MP3. I guess it is a need to have the physical item. It is still difficult to purchase something that you do not even get to hold in your hand. On one hand it is better because it is one less item to leave a carbon footprint, but do we need to rid the world of physical art?
Imagine only looking at the something like the “Mona Lisa” on a screen or piece of paper. It is easy I guess for many since the painting is behind protective glass and in Europe. I have never personally viewed it myself, but I am aware of the impact art has when face to face with it.
So is a CD no just mass produced replication of the original art on paper? Well poppycock!
