Through A Squinted Eye

Meet My Daughter

Just remember we parked life in the Aisle 13…

I have never in my life been more dissatisfied with my place in life. However, a few omissions must be made.  I love my wife and this statement is something I find that few people can truly and easily say.  We are nearing our 7th anniversary and 11 wonderful years together. I have my dogs and they are like 4 legged friends. Then there is my daughter.  Every day she amazes me. For these things I am lucky. 

Now I am confronted with the fact that I am working day to day without appropriate recognition or pay.  It truly makes it hard for me to see a future here when I am paid less than the newest employees and take on an exorbitant amount of responsibility.  At this point I am certain I do more than the people in charge of this company.  That includes the personal time I take on the computer.  My job is disappointing and the fact that I am still here makes me disappointed in myself.

The city I moved back to is raping my soul.  This place does not fit my personality.  I have noticed the friends I have a good connection with all move away.  I think they knew better than to stay in this slow backwards Republican mind-numbing City.  The fact that I work in the heart of poverty does not help either.  Sadly it seems we are stuck in our house for  a few years at least.  I then have to convince the wife of the pros and cons of moving away. 

There is something odd about making friends when you are older and separated in a densely populated city.  You have to constantly keep your guard up, but there have to be so many people that would want some genuine friendship or even polite interaction.  Yet, this allows one to be easily targeted by any unsavory kind. Yes it seems paranoid, but it seems to be a consistent truth.  It is as if there is a negative charge that pulsates through the city and if a person were show compassion or kindness they would be consumed by a swarm of negative reaction.

Finally, I have come to think about what I am going to do when I grow up. What!? I am nearly 30, should I have not had this figured out already?  Hell I went to college in got a degree.  Yes it was a BA in English, aka no future.  I did work for a publishing company, which in this state is odd.  Perhaps that is why it is currently facing class action law suits.  I was not a part of that, which is part of the reason I was fired.  Trust me being fired for doing the right thing sucks.  Talk about anger.  I then had to take a warehouse job because I was a little too proud to stay on unemployment. Now I am stuck in a family business, which should have yielded a decent salary.  It has not.  Do I venture into yet another field?  Do I go back to school?  Do I just suffer with my lot and wait for opportunity?  Then I think what will happen in five years from now?  How will I look back?  Will this be a shaping point or will it matter?  To think 5 years ago I was married just less than 2 years and working with kids thinking “I am so glad I don’t have a kid when I leave work.” I was wrong there.