I realized I had forgotten about other moment of excitable anxiety. Perhaps one of the most bizarre sequences of life. Let me take you back, picture it That Place in the spring of 2007.
As my wife and I sat in our favorite bar we deliberated upon a topic that was never one of deep discussion before in our lives. We discussed bringing life into the world, a thought until then that was the polar opposite of intended path in life. This was not a suggestive conversation, it was completely agreed upon.
By the Fall of ‘07 the news was delivered to parents and friends that we were indeed to have a baby and Wife was pregnant (I have super swimmers). It was a time when I slowly and exponentially gained a happy anxiety. Knowing that my life would completely change and not being sure exactly how until I got there. Unfortunately, in week 8 Wife had a miscarriage. It is something that will take the wind out of you and leave you utterly confused, but I have hope and look forward to having my happy stupid anxiety.
Filed under: Music
“It’s deja-vu all over again.”
It has been quite some time that I have felt the strange excitement of anticipation. Not knowing the outcome or being able to assume the prediction can usually result in a stressful and overwhelming sensation. One that begs of negative connotation. However, at this point it is much like being a kid on Christmas Eve, unable to sleep. You try to tell yourself if you just fall asleep now that the morning will come much faster (disregard the reality her, you’re a kid). Yet, the mind wanders in and out the soon to be joyful moments of desecrating decorated boxes. With electricity coursing through the body, adrenalin obviously, the notion of sleep becomes the most difficult goal to attain. Eventually, the body wears down and nature/time takes course.
At this moment I am waiting to arrive at a musical journey with a band I have know for the past 8 1/2 years on-and-off. As our paths led us away through difficult legs of our lives’ we have returned to near vicinity. Yet existence is continual and what was then will never be exact. Now we will have to redevelop the sound, the band, the chemistry, and the art. Although it is difficult to think it will never be the same, I am not afraid of what it will become. This journey is not over due, it is just continuing along once again.
Filed under: Life
Ah change. Perhaps the most frightening constant that courses through existence. At a moment one is forced to converge with change and it is something we are all helpless against. It is a point to realize that this is or is not right. Or as David Byrne noted “this not beautiful house, this not my beautiful wife, how did I get here.” Perhaps it is merely a wake up call from an essence unknown to be cognizant of our own existence. As we often take for granted routines and straight paths to the point of mindless effort. Change is the cornerstone of existence, a modification to our naive belief in continuity. Thus we are all fools to believe we can prevent anything or have the power to control any single aspect. An exception to every rule or plausibility of change.
However maybe it is all an elaborate ruse. An epic drama carelessly drafted for amusement. After all we are all we are helpless to the element of change aren’t we? Or are we capable of crafting our own change, therefore vexing Fate’s tome and in turn creating the true calamity of human existence?
A relapse after seven long years. Yes I fell off the wagon of strumming my guitar by myself or with an incomplete band (usually driven by a mundane force to be dismissed). I stepped into a freezing cold garage with minimal space as did two others, both of the same name. At that point the three of us rehashed an addiction that had not weakened from the past seven years of remission – We united to play music.
I know, big deal. However, we were not throwing down a riff or two, nor were jamming along some simple progression. This was calculated art my friends. Perhaps outdated, but still valid. My name is Chris and I am a Guitarist with bad problem with playing with a band. I just hope my friends and family can understand that I may never overcome this addiction.
It amazes me when shear luck continually smacks an unworthy in the face with massive blows of fortune. Truly I wonder what Karma has been smoking. For some reason a good-natured and apt person can walk through a crowded room slip on a banana peel and fall into a trash can. Yes this is an exaggeration.
Meanwhile a clueless and selfish person (not apt to accomplish much) will stroll through and have someone stop and ask if he dropped this hundred dollar bill. In which, he never had the money, but will take it and think nothing about it. No concern. Nada.
Yes I know Karma will smote him for accepting the money as his own, but instead he buys a lottery ticket and wins ten fold.
Puff, puff, give Karma. Puff, puff, give.
