Through A Squinted Eye

1.   If we had eyes in the back of head, would we see split vision, picture-in-a-picture, or would we assimilate the image like we do with ole lefty and righty?

2.  Would people run faster with four legs, or would it just give us two left feet?

3. How could we be alright if our thumbs were next to our pinkies (the opposite side of our hands for those of you looking down now)? Think about the Fonz!

4. Do men really have two brains they think with, and is it a symbiotic or parasitic relationship?

Please give me feed back, I’m not sure of the answers…

As the sun sets along the horizon, it comes.  The air thickens and pressurizes my head.  It is the moment I enter into the lavishes of a fiery Hell…or as most call it, ironically, a cold. A point where my vitality was zapped from me and a drone of a man was left behind to succumb to the depths of…a cold.

First began the body aches.  The mucus was rallying from every weakened part of my body and breeding to maximum capacity (because really, is there not an endless supply?).

Then as I laid down to sleep I voyaged further into the catacombs of flaming caverns, which were actually my own sinus cavities producing a violent burn that would leave me second guessing my physical state. Was I still human or had i began metamorphosis into a dragon?

 The morning continued along the same path, or so I thought.  It was then that I had noticed I had lost all mental capacity.  I could stare at a piece of paper for 20 minutes without blinking.  The endless supply of snot had formed a barrier around my brain in which not even mindless TV could get through.  That was perhaps the scariest moment.

 As the day pursued, sleep was the only desire because food was already without taste…again from the overwhelming mucus.  I then realized I was even lower.  Sleep was unattainable.  The cold had my body switched on and I was running out of power.  Medicine had failed thus far, and I wondered if this Cold (Hell) would be my demise. 

Yet promise struck me subtly.  A revitalized energy entered me and I knew that whatever I had done to deserve such a banishment to this place would come to an end.  My old friend, Mr. Decongestant, was there for me and is now saving me.  As I make my ascendence back into a functioning human form, I am entering a new level that I must have skipped through.  The land of hacking.  As the snot and mucus are being dismantled, I am forced to expel them through every means possible.  I will save you from my morning ritual for absolution at the altar, or as you may know it, my sink.

 Yes, I can finally see the world again and my brain seems to want to function once more.  My advice is to find Him…In the name of Vitamin C, Mr. Decongestant, and Sleep. Amen.